On the topic of self-flagellation
Jan. 18th, 2016 12:23 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
glitch25More stuff shuffling around on the to-do lists these days.
The biggest of course is working to get things squared away in the apartment. Always feels like there is more to do.. And part of doing it is time management.
I tend to get home and want to flop on the couch and do nothing constructive. Or.. sometimes I get caught up in daily chores/cleaning, and then don't want to do some of the leftover things I need to do. Or.. sometimes I want to work on the leftover things, and ignore chores. It's a battle almost every day to decide how to do things and what gets priority. And I've found that it is easy to get overwhelmed.. which of course leads to more couch flopping with a 1000mg dose of Fukitol.
What I've been working on over the last few months is trying to find ways to organize tasks so that I can make headway even if I can only apply a limited amount of time to the projects. It's a bit of a thing to do. But as I get better at it, more and more gets done. Granted, HUGE things don't always get done at once, but the point is to strip the "huge" things into bite-sized bits, and make time to do the bits and plan them out. Eventually, the big thing gets done.
It is weird to view progress through the lens of bits. Seems like there is a prevailing thought that things must be done all at once and in a dedicated determined manner for them to be valid accomplishments worth value. Anything else seems like it's "barely getting by" or "not really good enough". Not sure why that is. But I find that learning to change the lens makes the heart lighter. I can see my progress if I really look, and though that old voice of "but it isn't all done yet" sometimes creeps in, I'm learning to tell it, "it doesn't have to be all done for my work on it to be valid" and "It's ok that it isn't all done yet."
I think that last one is the most difficult. Life seems to be a yardstick to which we hold ourselves against, and if we haven't grown to those familiar hash marks, we're just not valid.
Fuck that. I'm valid for the work I do and for the accomplishments I make. Ultimately, I'm the one that decides what that yardstick looks like. I'm the one that gets to decide my value. We all have our struggles, and I bet we all look sideways at that yardstick and wonder. I haven't beat it totally out of me yet, but I'm making progress. On my timeline.
The biggest of course is working to get things squared away in the apartment. Always feels like there is more to do.. And part of doing it is time management.
I tend to get home and want to flop on the couch and do nothing constructive. Or.. sometimes I get caught up in daily chores/cleaning, and then don't want to do some of the leftover things I need to do. Or.. sometimes I want to work on the leftover things, and ignore chores. It's a battle almost every day to decide how to do things and what gets priority. And I've found that it is easy to get overwhelmed.. which of course leads to more couch flopping with a 1000mg dose of Fukitol.
What I've been working on over the last few months is trying to find ways to organize tasks so that I can make headway even if I can only apply a limited amount of time to the projects. It's a bit of a thing to do. But as I get better at it, more and more gets done. Granted, HUGE things don't always get done at once, but the point is to strip the "huge" things into bite-sized bits, and make time to do the bits and plan them out. Eventually, the big thing gets done.
It is weird to view progress through the lens of bits. Seems like there is a prevailing thought that things must be done all at once and in a dedicated determined manner for them to be valid accomplishments worth value. Anything else seems like it's "barely getting by" or "not really good enough". Not sure why that is. But I find that learning to change the lens makes the heart lighter. I can see my progress if I really look, and though that old voice of "but it isn't all done yet" sometimes creeps in, I'm learning to tell it, "it doesn't have to be all done for my work on it to be valid" and "It's ok that it isn't all done yet."
I think that last one is the most difficult. Life seems to be a yardstick to which we hold ourselves against, and if we haven't grown to those familiar hash marks, we're just not valid.
Fuck that. I'm valid for the work I do and for the accomplishments I make. Ultimately, I'm the one that decides what that yardstick looks like. I'm the one that gets to decide my value. We all have our struggles, and I bet we all look sideways at that yardstick and wonder. I haven't beat it totally out of me yet, but I'm making progress. On my timeline.