Overwhelmed
Oct. 11th, 2018 07:28 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
glitch25As of late, the title of the post sums up where I've been for about 4 months. Leftovers from that post in May. It's been rough. New job, new place to live, and a rock opera to produce that, all included, pretty much meant I didn't have time to know what time it was. Just that moving forward was the only option. Stumbling blindly, water up past my nose, and hoping like hell that when things finally started to settle that I'd find myself in a place I could live with.
Rite of Saturn came together, and we rocked it as we do. I think the energy from this show has really kicked our collective asses though. Of the 6 I've helped with, this one has truly been the one to impact me the most. It's hard to believe it's over. All of it. The Rites of Eleusis were ways i marked the passage of time and how I prepared my life in about 2 year chunks. I will definitely need to find new ways to exert my proppery powers. And I'm going to have to make a much better effort at reaching out and spending time with the folks that we've collected for all these. It's a pretty amazing group, and I hope that it won't be our last venture together.
Now that the dust is settling some both on the home and job front, I'm finding that I'm finally getting some time to unpack.. and try and turn what is mostly a house full of mostly full boxes into a living space where I want to stay and exist and create. Still an enormous amount of work to do and not a lot of time to do it in the passing days. But at least it's progressing some. This is my first jump out into a household living arrangement, and though I have always had reservations about making this kind of living arrangement, I'm finding it rewarding in lots of ways I hadn't expected.
One of the things I need to do, and I think that is what a lot of this prep work is about, is find space and time to create in various ways. I haven't had enough brain or time to really create in a proper space, and it is still weighing me down. I hope that I can change that some. And I think that as soon as I am able, I'll be diving into a few small projects just to take the edge off.
Work goes. I'm getting an opportunity to stretch myself. Not really with the technical end of my skillset. Mostly with the carbon-based bits. One of the prevailing issues has been about how work management and flow work around here. Part of it is knowing that I just have to slog through some really less than ideal circumstances. Another part of it is knowing that with judicious use of power, I can slowly tweak the path of the work flow to be better and easier and not just for me. Part of THAT battle has been involved with the changing of the proverbial guard. A retirement has prompted the need to fill a void, and while It is not appropriate nor am I capable of filling it, I hope that I can still lead things to good places and to make paths that inspire people to follow. We have a lot of good people here, and the work environment is starkly contrasted to what I had at the previous job. It's scary how much better it is. Most of the rest of the "job stuff" is pretty decent. The only other big hurdle is the commute, and even that feels kinda ok given all things. I suspect as things continue to settle, I may yet look for work northward. But I know that I have things to contribute and things to learn and take with me from here in the meantime.
Lots of change still afoot. Lots of recovery from lots of previous change. Lots to do. Still more to do than I feel like I can handle reasonably. Still kinda overwhelmed. But at least in the last weeks, I've seen some light in the tunnel. Little less bleak. Good to have just a moment to raise my head and take a breath and survey where I am and where I want to be.
Rite of Saturn came together, and we rocked it as we do. I think the energy from this show has really kicked our collective asses though. Of the 6 I've helped with, this one has truly been the one to impact me the most. It's hard to believe it's over. All of it. The Rites of Eleusis were ways i marked the passage of time and how I prepared my life in about 2 year chunks. I will definitely need to find new ways to exert my proppery powers. And I'm going to have to make a much better effort at reaching out and spending time with the folks that we've collected for all these. It's a pretty amazing group, and I hope that it won't be our last venture together.
Now that the dust is settling some both on the home and job front, I'm finding that I'm finally getting some time to unpack.. and try and turn what is mostly a house full of mostly full boxes into a living space where I want to stay and exist and create. Still an enormous amount of work to do and not a lot of time to do it in the passing days. But at least it's progressing some. This is my first jump out into a household living arrangement, and though I have always had reservations about making this kind of living arrangement, I'm finding it rewarding in lots of ways I hadn't expected.
One of the things I need to do, and I think that is what a lot of this prep work is about, is find space and time to create in various ways. I haven't had enough brain or time to really create in a proper space, and it is still weighing me down. I hope that I can change that some. And I think that as soon as I am able, I'll be diving into a few small projects just to take the edge off.
Work goes. I'm getting an opportunity to stretch myself. Not really with the technical end of my skillset. Mostly with the carbon-based bits. One of the prevailing issues has been about how work management and flow work around here. Part of it is knowing that I just have to slog through some really less than ideal circumstances. Another part of it is knowing that with judicious use of power, I can slowly tweak the path of the work flow to be better and easier and not just for me. Part of THAT battle has been involved with the changing of the proverbial guard. A retirement has prompted the need to fill a void, and while It is not appropriate nor am I capable of filling it, I hope that I can still lead things to good places and to make paths that inspire people to follow. We have a lot of good people here, and the work environment is starkly contrasted to what I had at the previous job. It's scary how much better it is. Most of the rest of the "job stuff" is pretty decent. The only other big hurdle is the commute, and even that feels kinda ok given all things. I suspect as things continue to settle, I may yet look for work northward. But I know that I have things to contribute and things to learn and take with me from here in the meantime.
Lots of change still afoot. Lots of recovery from lots of previous change. Lots to do. Still more to do than I feel like I can handle reasonably. Still kinda overwhelmed. But at least in the last weeks, I've seen some light in the tunnel. Little less bleak. Good to have just a moment to raise my head and take a breath and survey where I am and where I want to be.
(no subject)
Date: 2018-10-12 08:34 pm (UTC)Living arrangements... when I look at the mess I find myself in every Friday, because during the week I do not put away laundry or dishes or anything really, I can say that I would love to live with someone but I once not know if I a tually could. So, I am glad things are working out for you.
Work... In my last job I got yelled at at least once a day and it told that I should be hit for what I did on the same basis.
My current boss... says things like “what would I do without you” or “you can do just about anything!” and constantly gives positive feedback. It feels like... having been a seed in the desert for far too long and finally having found an endless well. So liberating, empowering.
In short: I am happy for you. And your creativity will find a way, it is creative in this regard.
(no subject)
Date: 2018-10-16 02:00 am (UTC)