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May. 16th, 2011 02:58 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
glitch25I recently read an article by Jessie Sholl, author of the book, "Dirty Secret: A Daughter Comes Clean About Her Mother’s Compulsive Hoarding", where she talks about doorbell dread.
Articles about hoarders and hoarding catch my eye because as much as I'd like to deny it, I show signs here and again, and, whether it is specifically genetic, or a learned environmental thing, definitely have a disposition accordingly.
Now, thats not to say that anybody in my family was ever as bad as the people they show on TV. There was always walking room around those affected, but the tendencies were obvious, and the piles of useless stuff were plain to see. On the side of my mother, they continue to be. Her mother, her siblings and herself, and her kids (My sis and I).
So I appreciate reading up about it and learning what I can do to improve my somewhat milder version.
But in doing so, I realized I too suffer from that is known in that support community as doorbell dread. The fear of people stepping through the threshold and seeing what you have hiding behind that closed door. That's not to say that I don't get over it enough to have some people over, but I do realize that those people have to be pretty special people. Not just anybody qualifies, and even those that should don't necessarily.
I don't think it is even as much about cleanliness as such, though that never helps either. I just know that almost every horizontal surface is not visible, and it is a struggle to even want to fix it, much less to be motivated to ACTUALLY fix it. It is truly a never-ending battle, and
even when I do finally make it to the bottom, it is amusing to see how little time it lasts.
Part of what has alleviated some of the guilt and frustration is for me to recognize that this is something I will be continually dealing with, and to accept that while I may never see the summit of this molehill, that there is a lot I can do to work through it.
A lot of it is habit-building. If I can condition myself to resolve clutter at the moment it is created, the piles will never seem insurmountable. And in terms of the piles that do exist, coming to grips with the fact that it is by-in-large an emotional attachment rather than a practical purpose behind saving and keeping things, which allows me more emotional freedom to deal with them appropriately. I'm doing my part to keep GoodWill stocked. :-)
I'm also listening to the "voices" that say things like, "You'll need that eventually.. You should save it," or, "I can't really use this now, but someday I'll make room for it," and responding to them with more practical and realistic thoughts. That not only saves me money, but it helps keep down the existing clutter and helps me manage what I do realistically need.
They say that if you box up all your belongings and only remove the things you use, that at the end of a year, anything left in the boxes that never made it out can go away. You really didn't need it. My battles include sifting through my "need that eventually"'s and being realistic about it. In some cases, it gets thrown in the box to be carted off (or given away, or trashed). Others, I make homemade pasta (because the pasta machine was included in that, and I never made the time until now.)
So for tying up loose ends, this one is about as loose as they get. But it progresses. Things get leaner. And I'm developing a fascination for these micro homes in the sense of how they manage storage and clutter, and the thought that compared to those homes, our spaces are huge, and I should nail down this clutter thing so we can take advantage of it.
Walking on my way to a sprint. :-)
Articles about hoarders and hoarding catch my eye because as much as I'd like to deny it, I show signs here and again, and, whether it is specifically genetic, or a learned environmental thing, definitely have a disposition accordingly.
Now, thats not to say that anybody in my family was ever as bad as the people they show on TV. There was always walking room around those affected, but the tendencies were obvious, and the piles of useless stuff were plain to see. On the side of my mother, they continue to be. Her mother, her siblings and herself, and her kids (My sis and I).
So I appreciate reading up about it and learning what I can do to improve my somewhat milder version.
But in doing so, I realized I too suffer from that is known in that support community as doorbell dread. The fear of people stepping through the threshold and seeing what you have hiding behind that closed door. That's not to say that I don't get over it enough to have some people over, but I do realize that those people have to be pretty special people. Not just anybody qualifies, and even those that should don't necessarily.
I don't think it is even as much about cleanliness as such, though that never helps either. I just know that almost every horizontal surface is not visible, and it is a struggle to even want to fix it, much less to be motivated to ACTUALLY fix it. It is truly a never-ending battle, and
even when I do finally make it to the bottom, it is amusing to see how little time it lasts.
Part of what has alleviated some of the guilt and frustration is for me to recognize that this is something I will be continually dealing with, and to accept that while I may never see the summit of this molehill, that there is a lot I can do to work through it.
A lot of it is habit-building. If I can condition myself to resolve clutter at the moment it is created, the piles will never seem insurmountable. And in terms of the piles that do exist, coming to grips with the fact that it is by-in-large an emotional attachment rather than a practical purpose behind saving and keeping things, which allows me more emotional freedom to deal with them appropriately. I'm doing my part to keep GoodWill stocked. :-)
I'm also listening to the "voices" that say things like, "You'll need that eventually.. You should save it," or, "I can't really use this now, but someday I'll make room for it," and responding to them with more practical and realistic thoughts. That not only saves me money, but it helps keep down the existing clutter and helps me manage what I do realistically need.
They say that if you box up all your belongings and only remove the things you use, that at the end of a year, anything left in the boxes that never made it out can go away. You really didn't need it. My battles include sifting through my "need that eventually"'s and being realistic about it. In some cases, it gets thrown in the box to be carted off (or given away, or trashed). Others, I make homemade pasta (because the pasta machine was included in that, and I never made the time until now.)
So for tying up loose ends, this one is about as loose as they get. But it progresses. Things get leaner. And I'm developing a fascination for these micro homes in the sense of how they manage storage and clutter, and the thought that compared to those homes, our spaces are huge, and I should nail down this clutter thing so we can take advantage of it.
Walking on my way to a sprint. :-)