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Mar. 2nd, 2013 07:06 pmThey say those who are or have been on the precipice looking to jump often cite their desire to end suffering for those who care about them. I wonder how often part of that also is just a genuine desire to end the suffering that they cause to themselves.
I find that the most desolate moments in my life often stem from feeling frustration at myself. Not just at the things that bring about a sense of failure (and there are often a pile of those), but sometimes just a desire to step away or outside of life.. of exhaustion... of a need to catch up but knowing that even in the grandest of schemes, that isn't really possible. That it isn't really congruent with life as I'd prefer it.
There are days when I can appreciate the desire to become deeply immersed in drugs or alcohol if just to get the voices to change their tune. Dealing with it sober is .. challenging.
I think catching up is unrealistic. Life isn't about catching up. It isn't even necessarily about KEEPING up, though we build our society around the ideas of the importance of being in lock-step with our burdens and that to give ourselves respite only increases the weight.
Whether it's money or time or other perceived resource, we make a big deal about the fact that these things are in short supply and that not killing ourselves to get them is not acceptable.
It places added burden on an already challenging livelihood.
I posted a quote a while back on my Facebook. Every passing moment is chance to turn it all around. It is from Vanilla Sky. It speaks of an idea that has resonated with me for some time now.
I think we place too much importance in the idea that we have other people's ideals to live up to. OR even to model our own after.
Time and space is individual, and unlike our persistent time-keepers, a fluid and variable thing. We sync up so that we can relate to one another. But we forget the importance of maintaining the individuality. Of walking our own path at the pace we find best suits our own life regardless of what we're told, or what expectations the world may have.
And when we forget these things and allow ourselves to get buried in the proverbial crap, we neglect to remember that at any point and time, no matter how deep or how dark, we can choose to rise above it. To change the nature. To take hold of one of those moments and use it to pull us free.
Here's to taking ahold. May you choose to grab on and find the joys of the travel.
I find that the most desolate moments in my life often stem from feeling frustration at myself. Not just at the things that bring about a sense of failure (and there are often a pile of those), but sometimes just a desire to step away or outside of life.. of exhaustion... of a need to catch up but knowing that even in the grandest of schemes, that isn't really possible. That it isn't really congruent with life as I'd prefer it.
There are days when I can appreciate the desire to become deeply immersed in drugs or alcohol if just to get the voices to change their tune. Dealing with it sober is .. challenging.
I think catching up is unrealistic. Life isn't about catching up. It isn't even necessarily about KEEPING up, though we build our society around the ideas of the importance of being in lock-step with our burdens and that to give ourselves respite only increases the weight.
Whether it's money or time or other perceived resource, we make a big deal about the fact that these things are in short supply and that not killing ourselves to get them is not acceptable.
It places added burden on an already challenging livelihood.
I posted a quote a while back on my Facebook. Every passing moment is chance to turn it all around. It is from Vanilla Sky. It speaks of an idea that has resonated with me for some time now.
I think we place too much importance in the idea that we have other people's ideals to live up to. OR even to model our own after.
Time and space is individual, and unlike our persistent time-keepers, a fluid and variable thing. We sync up so that we can relate to one another. But we forget the importance of maintaining the individuality. Of walking our own path at the pace we find best suits our own life regardless of what we're told, or what expectations the world may have.
And when we forget these things and allow ourselves to get buried in the proverbial crap, we neglect to remember that at any point and time, no matter how deep or how dark, we can choose to rise above it. To change the nature. To take hold of one of those moments and use it to pull us free.
Here's to taking ahold. May you choose to grab on and find the joys of the travel.